The emotion de jour is grief…that gut wrenching, twisting, cats screeching kind of grief. How could he do that to us and what the hell am I supposed to do to fix it? I am terrified fo what is to come. We could be homeless after the holidays and I am at his mercy to keep that from happening. The fear associated with putting your life in the hands of the man who got you into this mess to begin with is impossible to explain. How am I going to feed out children? How am I going to continue the charade that is their life? If you don’t know the history of this particular situation, then you have no idea why this is not overreacting. Perhaps I made a huge mistake. Perhaps I should have stayed single and raised my daughter alone. However, the thought of not having my two sons is just as painful. I look at them and cannot decide if I should laugh or cry. I want their childhood to be pefect and unhindered. How can I provide that security to them now? It’s a matter of mere weeks until the elephant lands on my house of cards. I simply hope I can find a box to put the cards into again for safe keeping. Maybe one day I can build a life that IS actuall mine!
(Thanks G. tell S to be careful what she wishes for! The roller skating rink might just be closed for a few months! LOL)